Uncategorized

I have spent years asking myself this question since the Badass Women’s Council became ‘a thing.’ My typical approach to understanding what something means to me is to keep distilling it into the simplest form. This approach might be the only thing I learned from working on all those fractions in school.

What I now can say confidently is …

a Badass knows who she is; she’s intensely self aware.

I use the word intensely because this level of self awareness is intense. It takes focus, effort, and desire. The kind of exploration of oneself that isn’t done in a weekend retreat. It’s a way of life. A Badass sits with herself; she looks in the mirror, not looking for every flaw; she looks at herself with love and curiosity.

She knows what she’s good at. She doesn’t run from her emotions; she sits with them to learn and grow.

From this work in Reflection, she can stand tall in her story, confident in her uniqueness. She knows she’s not for everyone, and that’s okay. She’s not a bully or a bitch about it; she has profound empathy for the stories and uniqueness of others.

This process of discovering herself makes her vulnerable and able to reach out in beautiful, loving service to another. Her connections are genuine because she’s willing to show you her flaws, not because she wants you to fix them, but because she wants to show you we’re in this together and you’re not alone.

The next time you see that woman who walks in a room head held high using her voice, know that hint of intimidation isn’t from her ego; it’s from her heart. She’s been in the battle with herself and others, and she’s emerged strong, confident, and ready to serve. That smile she wears isn’t because everything’s been easy; it’s because she knows it all works out in the end.

Every human on the planet deals with uncertainty. Every single one. It’s part of the human experience. Those that battle through the uncertainty to start a business, write a book, originate a project then see it through … all battling uncertainty. Uncertainty is strong in the creation, even stronger waiting and wondering if it matters.

Our creations are meant to serve other humans. The creating is the starting point, the connection is what really matters. Did they like it, does it help them? Does it matter?

On March 17, 2022, my book, “Write Your Own Story“ went up for sale on Amazon. There was a flurry of activity, messages flying in from every possible means. My head was spinning, it was thrilling and exciting. By the end of the day I had hit #1 bestseller in a couple of categories, a dream I had journaled about for years.

And then . . . I waited.

The longest week of my life waiting for the books to be delivered and for people to start reading. It was quite possibly the worst part of the three-year process. Because I didn’t spend three years writing a book to sell it. I spent three years writing a book because I believed what I wrote could help you live a different type of life, one of thriving not striving.

In the space of that very long week, I reminded myself constantly that the Lord would not have brought me these ideas and this early success just to slam me back down. I chanted this to myself as I paced and wondered if it mattered.

The pictures you all shared of your excitement as the books arrived were so sweet and exhilarating, AND they fueled the uncertainty of ‘but does it matter” and “will it help you?”.

Finally, a few texts popped in of pages you had underlined and how those words spoke to you. Then a few more and a few more ….posts on social started coming in.

And then . . . I exhaled …maybe for the first time in months. You told me, It matters. The book is helping you. You are feeling called to a new way to work and live and raise your children.

For years I’ve encouraged my son and daughter when they hear a song they love, especially from a new artist; message them, tweet them, tell them not just that you love the song, but tell them what you love about it. Tell them how it made you feel.

We all want to know, does our work matter? How does it matter? How does it make you feel? We have a hard-wired desire to be valuable, relevant, and impactful to other humans. Take this with you to work on Monday.

Tell them.

Look around at your co-workers, your suppliers, your boss, your CEO, tell them. Tell them how the work they do matters to you and how it makes you feel. I promise you, the relationship will shift instantly.

Tell them.

Tell your 5-year-old how their laugh at the dinner table lights up your heart, tell your sister that when she hosts Easter you feel loved and cared for. Tell the barista that her smile starts your day off with a caffeine-like boost as good as your macchiato.

Tell them.

You know how Facebook and Snapchat will show you ‘on this day’ memories from years and years ago? Last week one of the pictures of me jumped up and really hit me. I had just posted a picture for social media that morning and I went and compared the two. I saw me from three years ago and I felt her strain and her struggle. If you’ve read my bio on my website, I speak of my clients looking different when they move from striving to thriving but I hadn’t really paid this much attention to my transformation. There it was.

The word strive means battle and conflict and yet we’ve been using it as a moniker of success for years. The girl on the left was striving big time. Striving to plot and plan her way into success, battling the internal struggles, both real and perceived expectations of her. She desperately wanted to get it right. Whatever it was.

What I find most interesting is my diet and exercise habits are exactly the same. They’ve been pretty much the same for over a decade. I eat healthy but I’m not militant, I work out regularly, I like to run. What’s different about me in these pictures is what was happening in my mind and in my heart. And most of us women go right to diet and exercise when we want to look and feel better. Sometimes I think that just makes the striving worse.

The girl on the left is hopeful but not happy. The girl on the right knows a joy that comes from within no matter the stress and struggles circling around her.

What’s been happening the last three years?

One Saturday morning after an exhausting week of travel, I sat with my coffee, my journal, and my Bible and I exhaled. I wrote, “I wish every morning could be like Saturday morning.” And then it hit me. Why couldn’t it be? Why couldn’t I spend every morning in quiet reflection?

Every morning for at least three years, I start my day in stillness, listening to how I feel, asking myself what I need, letting the Lord speak to me instead of me always begging Him for stuff.

I started to build a relationship with what I now refer to as my Inner Thrive Guide. I began to listen to her counsel and her needs. I let her feel again. After years of feeling responsible for everyone and everything, I had starved out my own needs, wants, and desires.

I needed time each morning to invite them back to the surface. They were buried so deep in the bottom of my heart like scared little pound puppies huddled in the corner shivering afraid they’d get hurt again. Day by day those feelings learned to trust again, they came up one by one and let me see them, let me pet those puppies. Ha. Ha.

I began to see that I was not in control of everyone’s happiness and needs. I learned to let some people go and let others in. My connections and relationships became healthier as my reflection time helped me be healthier. I became more confident in my own needs and desires for building a life I wanted to live in, not just career goals I wanted to achieve. Thriving, to grow, prosper and flourish.

The girl on the right isn’t without pain and struggle, I can tell you the hurts I’m carrying now, but she knows she’s okay. She’s confident that she can navigate these things and still have love, joy, and connection. She knows she’s not for everyone and that’s okay. The ones she’s here to serve will get the very best of her and that’s a bold, badass beautiful thing. Thriving not striving.

I talk more about the details of these changes on the Feb. 4 2022 podcast. Subscribe to The Badass Womens Council Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.